Jan 13, 2018

Confessions of a bandwagon Habs fan ~ 29 makes an appearance for your Bs Preview and Open Thread

Your 4HF corespondent in happier times

Hello, I'm HabsFan29. You may remember me from such posts as "Man these Habs Suck" and "Squid and Big Tits will lead us to the Cup" and "Boy these strippers are hot!". I worked in an oeuvre, and I was good at it dammit. I've been around for a while. But I will freely admit I have not been around much this season. Ugh, this season...

It is currently Tuesday night when I have begun drafting this post. I am watching the Raptors play the Heat. Don't worry, I won't be watching the whole game. I'll be switching over to some Philip K Dick Electric Dreams I have piled up on the PVR very shortly (UPDATE - hellooooo lesbian Anna Paquin!), or Black Mirror S4 which I have to get to. But as I watch this basketball game (and think about probably watching the entirety of the Raps-Cavs game later this week), a terrible thought strikes me. I am pretty sure I have watched more Raptors basketball this season than Habs hockey. Confession #1.

So yes, Confession #2, I am actually interested in Raptors basketball. I am not sure I "root" for them per se, but I do very much enjoy basketball (I was starting point guard on a McGill Intramural "B" champion team!) and having a Canadian NBA team to be "interested" in keeps me occupied. Now, I would never root for, or even be "interested" in, a Toronto team if there was an equivalent Montreal team. It killed me when Toronto FC won the MLS Cup. And don't get me started on Marc Trestman leading the Argos to a Grey Cup; that was like my worst fucking nightmare. But there is no Montreal NBA team. And the Raptors are good, fun, competitive, they work hard, are practically unbeatable in their own building, have interesting players, have revamped their offense this year to an open up-tempo playing style, have excellent management and coaching, and are high up in the Eastern Conference standings.

None of those things can currently be said about the Habs.

This season has been a mess from the get-go. There was a brief stretch back in November (? maybe?  early December? I don't know, I have no interest in looking that crap up) where we looked competitive, had a nice little run and were back in playoff contention and .500-ish. That did not last long! My interest was piqued for like 5 days. Since then, Confession # 3, I don't think I have watched any Habs game except for the Heritage "Classic". I only watched that game because it was "special". It may have turned me off hockey forever. With this team, my interest in watching hockey is.... meh. At best.

Does that make me a bandwagon fan?

It's possible! I have been wrestling with that question for several weeks or even months now. A few weeks ago, moeman reminded me that I had agreed to do this Bs preview. It then struck me - I have no fucking idea what the hell is up with this team this season. Because I haven't been watching! I barely even know the players! That is bad for blogging. So I decided I would do some Googling to see what the old lamestream media is saying about the Habs. Here are some sample headlines, from like the last 5 days:


Well that's just... terrible. But it does give me some comfort at least, knowing that it's not me, it's you. It seems to be close to consensus that this season is garbage and worth throwing away. IN FUCKING JANUARY. Fuck me.

But we're back to the whole bandwagon question. Obviously, it's much more fun to root for a winning team. And to watch them! We don't have a winning team to watch right now. But a good fan, a real fan, keeps on top of things no matter how shitty things are. Oh sure, I could make a lot of excuses about how I don't have the time to watch hockey anymore. I am very busy with my legal practice, I now have some sort of prestigious teaching position at a leading Canadian law school, and I have plenty of other shit going on that you don't even know about. But that's bullshit. It is now Thursday evening as I pick up writing this draft, and I am literally doing nothing except drinking Jim Beam Double Oak (delish!) and watching crappy season 20 Simpsons reruns on FXX. Boy these late seasons are terrible. Point is, I have time. And I have had time in these last several months to watch at least some Habs games. But Confession #3, I don't want to. We suck, 2 wins in a a row notwithstanding. I barely even knew we just had a break week - I wasn't watching anyway.

Look, I don't think I have to explain my Habs bona fides to you people. I have been watching the Habs since 1975. I am sure I have told the story many times about how my earliest memory - not just my earliest hockey memory but my earliest memory, period - is watching the Habs play the Red Army in that New Year's Eve game in 1975. Some other early memories are my grandpa taking me to games in the early 80s before he died and telling me about how he was at the Richard Riot. I was at both the '86 and '93 Cup riots, in the middle of Ste Catherine Street both times. I treasure the freak half home - half away jersey I wear proudly that I bought in the gift shop of the old Forum like 25 years ago. A close friend once asked me to borrow that jersey for something, and I told him to fuck off. I started a pretty damn successful blog about the Habs and worked like a maniac to make it so. I bleed bleu blanc rouge.

But right now? I have no fucking desire to watch this team whatsoever. If that makes me a bandwagon fan, so be it.

Confession #4, I feel bad about that. I especially feel bad for you people, and this blog, who I feel I have abandoned in some way. I especially feel bad for Saint Paddy, who has injected some amazing and creative new blood in the midst of a fuck up of a throwaway season. And for my good friend moe, who works tirelessly to keep things going no matter what. It was the Best of Times, it was the Worst of Times. But in some ways, Confession #5, I don't give a shit anymore. Or at least I don't give a shit right now. We are only 8 points out of 8th in the Conference (with two games in hand!) so I guess anything is still possible. I'll jump back on that bandwagon when it comes rolling by (it won't).

Now that that's off my chest, I would like to make several other confessions, in no particular order of importance, in old-school TMS bullet point format:

  • I don't do, and have never done, meth. That was all an act for humour-related purposes;
  • I do smoke (and ingest) plenty of weed (it's ok it's practically legal!), and have done many other miscellaneous drugs in my life. Guess which ones!
  • I am currently afraid to move my couch to see what dirt is behind there. I often pick my nose and just toss the boogers back there. At the same time, my kitchen sink, toilet, and bathtub are spotless, shining with cleanliness;
  • The same cannot be said for my throw rug in the den. I'm just gonna throw that thing out;
  • I do not particularly like Star Wars. Not just the latest movie, that entire universe. A bunch of space cowboys and puppets and some vague Empire do not sci-fi make. Go read about a real empire;
  • The process for grading University-level law courses is a fucking joke;
  • I often fantasize that my asshole neighbour who plays crappy loud music that makes my floors shake and drives me crazy will be deported back to his home country, one of those "shithole countries" President Dumbfuck is on about. I worry this makes me racist;
  • I am almost 50 years old (this September!) and I still eat Kraft Dinner. Now, don't get me wrong, I can (and do) make a Mac 'n Cheese from scratch that is amazing - real bechamel, so much cheese, and butter, and baked with Italian bread crumbs and more butter on top. And I use pipette rigate instead of macaroni because it is the best pasta for such a preparation. But fuck, sometimes you just need KD. Need proof? Here's proof, next to a well-known oven mitt to prove authenticity:

  • Yes, that's a can of baked beans next to the KD. I often eat baked beans from a can. I can (and do) make baked beans in the oven from scratch, with bacon, beer, fresh tomatoes, and tons of other delicious stuff that's a secret. But sometimes you just need a can of beans. Here, you can see the beans I use for the homemade beans that take FIVE FUCKING HOURS, AFTER SOAKING THEM OVERNIGHT:

  • Yes, that is a jar of Nutella hiding behind the beans. I will often just stick a spoon in the Nutella jar and eat it. That's good stuff. I remind you, I am almost 50 years old;
  • I masturbate frequently. I remind you, I am almost 50 years old.
Well I think that's enough confessing.
~~~

Oh hey hockey! Yes, there is a hockey game to be played! Habs-Bs! First one of the year! (In fucking January???) Habs-Bs on a Saturday night is always exciting and interesting. Well maybe not this year. Anyway, let's do this thing! I may even watCH the game. When I'm not watching the NFL Playoffs. Or Raps-Warriors. Or paint drying.











95 comments:

  1. Nice Rant 29, I must confess I have only been to an alternative universe a handful of times, not every couple of days.

    Like most of the regulars I came of age during Habs glory days. I still have PTSD from watching the Habs beat the broad st bullies. Unfortunately the only way to win is to lose for two or three years. Mr Molson is not getting the message, or maybe he is that is why he has not fired MB.

    Lets hope we win the lottery, sign Traves and become a real contender, something we have not been since Halak was in net.

    I also would like to thank Moeman, 29 and St Pad for muddling through these dark days. But on the bright side we can all be thankful Trump is President of the USA and JT is PM of Canada. Trump is bringing unprecedented transparency to the office, and JT is going to legalize weed.

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    1. Yes, a grateful thank you to all our hosts keeping this blog going. Can't be easy to do this year.

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  2. Awesome post. Open, honest and bang on.

    This is a game PK lived for wearing the CH. Imagine a line of PK, Meat and Vodkov mentoring Sergachev.

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    1. I am not convinced undoing any of those moves would make a huge diff. We might make the playoffs, but pyrite victory those second round eliminations.

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  3. Beauty post 29. Love the openness and the revelations. I too like mastur, um bourbon!

    Stay well, keep eating well and a hello to Mom of 29.

    Love the old sCHool GYFHG! banner. (weep)

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  4. Oh man I have missed your odd dense of humour on the blog. Nicely done mon ami!
    So during this break I have been catching up on the new media covering the Habs... mainly The Athlete and Recrutes... they have some pretty strong opinions on what should happen and what shouldn't happen. My particular favourite is a rant by Grant McCagg who reckons the entire cos Hong staff and Bergevin should be sacked along with everyone in Laval as they are completdly fucking the Habs for the long term by playing the wrong people all the time...have a read of you can - it's pretty detailed. I am of the opinion that any move bbb makes is one to try save his ass and not to be encouraged... and I remain an optimist even though the likelihood of the Habs making the show is almost nil. Just win one game at a time and see why happens from there
    So just fucking win. Start with that!

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    1. ...entire coaching staff...

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    2. Here...read this...its free and pretty devastating...

      https://recrutes.ca/grants-rant-time-develop-not-deter/

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    3. 'cos Hong' sounds like a pretty cool new Netflix series.

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    4. McCagg took offense with Farraro saying the Habs draft picks, were a miss, miss, miss. I didn't here that part but I did here something about the 2 on twitter. Here he defends the Habs drafting.

      https://www.tsn.ca/radio/montreal-690/mccagg-wait-to-judge-habs-draft-picks-1.965282

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    5. 'Let’s, for the hell of it, presume that Juulsen might make a mistake and be burned for a shorthanded goal against at some point. Would the five-to-ten goals he creates/scores before it happens again not cancel out that one goal against?'

      Just replace Juulsen with PK, N8, likely some others who could also move the puck.

      Yep the farm is just like the big club.

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  5. First, epic SF i didn't have time to comment on moeman!

    29 you and ms gCHuk still look like a fantastic couple. You could be not so much of a sugar daddy but more of a nutella fella to her.

    I don't hit 50 til next year but my doc says spanking the monkey is great for the prostate so keep at it.

    Heading to lazy boy looking dfor a new chair,...

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    1. "nutella fella" <-- my new nick. brilliant

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  6. Nicely done ‘29 although it did make me yearn for the good ole days cos even when the Habs sucked the humor more than made up for it. We all laughed and cried together. I like you have not been watching but I will tonight because it’s the Bruins. I don’t consider myself a bandwagon fan, I just hate losing.

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    1. FUCK LOSING. Agree.d Moey

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  7. the Maritimer4:33 PM

    Excellent commentary and on the money about how we all feel these days. Apathy for our beloved team has set in but let's all hope it doesn't take root. We have a long road ahead of us and we may have to break it up into segments to lessen the pain. 1st, the Trade Deadline, flogged by tsn as much watch TV but like the Habs, boring as fuck. Bargainbinbergy is still driving the bus so look out. 2nd, the playoffs, Geoff's team won't be participating and beer sales will likely decline, good thing bbb saved him some coin this year. I can't cheer for another team so that is a long two months of no hockey. 3rd, the Amateur Draft, let's all pray to the spirits of Richard, Beliveau, Geoffrion and the other greats to bestow some luck on the Habs and they get a franchise type player picked by someone other than bbb to turn this thing around. Also, a legitimate coach in the AHL to teach them if required. Next and 4th, Free Agent Frenzy, more must-not-watch tsn bullshit hype. I highly doubt John Tavares leaves NY for Montreal. That No. 1 center we all fantasize about (well, 29 fantasizes about other things) will have to be found elsewhere, bbb says it's impossible but I think a real GM can pull it off. After that it's a long summer of golf and warm sunny days which I won't be wishing away for hockey to start again. I'm getting to old for that. BTW, I am guessing I'm the oldest poster on this great site, I (vaguely) remember watching the Habs/leaf in 1967. I turned 63 in late December but I feel pretty good these days, my recovery is going really well. An aside to 29 ... I'm still fully "functional" and I don't need Viagra. Now, there is a saying we older gentlemen use: "I'm not as good as I once was but I'm as good as I ever was - once."

    Here's to better days ahead --- downs a shot of Glenlevit....

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    1. +29 the M! GYFHG!!

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    2. great stuff the M

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  8. Thx for the kudos kidz!

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  9. Nick Foles is terrible

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  10. The Falcons aren't great either

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  11. I'll be busy rooting for that other Boston team but will check in on the game during commercials and such. Dropped some coin on a couple new recliners for the theatre but have to sweat out tonight on the trusted old steed as they aren't delivered til Wednesday.

    Gymfhg

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    1. And I'm not referring to Mrs Pad...

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  12. Jamie5:29 PM

    Thanks 29, Juce, Steve, K3X, Moeman, St. Paddy, the M et al. You entertain me daily and I appreciate it. We are out there - daily readers that don't post (much). Keep it up! Please.

    Jamie

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    1. Thank YOU Jamie for saying that!

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    2. Same goes for me. We all know there are more than 6 people who read this so it is great to hear from you.

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    3. I would comment but blogger has other ideas.

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  13. Wait...LC's son is asst coach for the Rocket? So, the farm GM is emulating BBB and keeping it among friends and family? CJ never brought his own staff because it's likely a clause in his contract that he has to keep BBB's chums or else.

    Yep the farm is just like the big club.

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  14. Maybe this is when buttman repays BBB for taking John Scott off his hands and gives him the 1st pick in the lottery. Than he can trade him away to excel elsewhere.

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  15. Is it just me or is there a huge delay before a comment gets posted? My desktop is getting too hot, maybe that?

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    1. Its not you Juce. Same issues here on a very fast network.

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  16. Used to be I heard TNF and brain went directly to Thursday Night Football. No longer though - now it's 29 The Nutella Fella. Now I wish I had one of those TimHortons nutella donuts...

    This football game ain't great so I caught up on the latest eoisode of Happy. I feel I'm the only person on the planet watching this amazing, fucked up show.

    Happy Trailer

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    1. Watched the first Letterman Netflix interview with Obama. Nothing new but nice to see two good people talking about good.

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    2. The Letterman Obama was nice, but youre right moe nothing new

      And you are right St Pad, this game is terrible.

      Signed,
      TNF (previoulsy TMS)

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  17. No Tanks allowed against the broon.
    https://youtu.be/LqkUkaiAXWo

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  18. Green CHillies naCHos.

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  19. Tried posting this earlier today.

    R.I.P. Keith Jackson. Great game announcer.

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    Replies
    1. He was the best. Whoa Nellie...

      RIP

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  20. Eagles offense doing better now

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    1. Brutally boring game.

      Hope the Titans can make a game in their match-up (hides from St. Pad).

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    2. I hope so too moe.

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  21. hnit should just come out and say it that they could give a shit about the Habs v. broons game/rivalry. Admittedly the CH is sucking this season but still, LVGK is maybe fun but still.

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  22. Sweet glove save by TFS™.

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  23. Happy that Hawaii is still Hawaii.

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  24. Patches, horay for Hawaii, last place on earth that needs glassing
    commenting about as good as our d tonite.

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  25. Keep scoring Patches. Trade value rising faster than a fat kid chasing an ice cream truck.

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    1. Kessel liked hotdogs.

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  26. Congrats to the Eagles. Won't stand a chance next week, but any given Sunday...

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  27. Wow ratface caught Lb sleeping on that one. Ack.

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  28. Not the worst period but I liked the 1stbhalf better than the 2nd

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  29. Does last months Molson Cup winner have a nick? Cause he scored a beautiful gosl!

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  30. Just watched the Titans score first to switch over to see Dano laid out on the ice with the stretcher. No replay...sounds like he was hit by a shaved ape shot?

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    1. Hugeson just confirmed. Be well Dano.

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  31. Hope Dano is ok

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  32. Hope Dano is OK.

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  33. Dano at least he is moving. Why no one wears the ear thing? Its at least 2017 players.

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  34. Righteous post HF29. I have always appreciated the flagrant unlawyerlyness of your writing, a la Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers.

    Now as much as this team and its mgmt disappoints, GYFHG! 'Tis the Broons FFS and the Shaved Ape has taken another viCHtim already (get better soon Dano). May PatCHes score the winner.

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  35. Is Jerabek nicked yet? Cuz mean as it is, I can't stop thinking JarJar or just Binks.

    SHOOTOUT TIME

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  36. Could it be worse, fucking ratface.

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  37. Good game nonetheless.

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  38. I dont like that Macvoy. He looks like he could take on kessel in a hotdog eating contest.

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  39. Ratface of all people ffs! My boss is a broon fan and likes to say how he's the best player to ever come out of NS (mostly to get the goat of all the Sid fans).

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  40. juce if you're reading this it takes about 20 seconds for my posts to publish. I think you said earlier you were having troubles with that.

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  41. Sunday morning smiles. Did you know that in Russia beer was not even considered an alcholic beverage until 2011? Did you know there are 10.5 million more women than men in Russia, no wonder America wants to own it.

    NFL players max out at 33 kilometere per hour. Last night gCHuck went to the net at 35 Kph. If any of those NFL players could skate they would be hitting 50 plus.

    The shaved ape should be arrested at the border. Get well Dano, I suggest a low stress recoup in Hawaii.

    TFS was not in the building last night. Watch for a huge trade with Columbus. They unlike us have a window, and gCHuck or Patches may pry lose another potential pure wool star.

    I still see another lost decade, then a roaring 20's.

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  42. He is no good, no good no good.

    Alex Galchenyuk puts @CanadiensMTL up 3-2 vs BOS, becomes just the 6th player to 100 career goals with MTL before age 24 (also Stephane Richer, Guy Lafleur, Bernie Geoffrion, Henri Richard, Mario Tremblay)

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  43. Sooo...All I got from that post is, finally, I feel like I'm not alone (re: Star Wars). Bless you 29, I feel (almost) complete now.

    Was actually a not so bad game. I predicted 4-3 B's in OT. Close enough. Loser point FTW!

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  44. And for once, Max 'empty netter' Pacioretty didn't get an empty netter. Not a pretty goal either but...meh, it counts. Trade him while his value is up! 2 goals in last 3 games I think? Trade him right fucking now!

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  45. I say it's time. To me, the only untouchables are Drouin, gCHuck, Gallagher, TFS (but I could be tempted for a HUGE return). Funny I don't have one untouchable on defense. Mete's pretty good, and young, but untouchable? Don't know...he's no Vodkov. Fire BBB.

    I also think I shouldn't be GM.

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  46. the Maritimer11:24 AM

    Wasn't a bad game to watch. The outcome was about what I expected so I wasn't overly disappointed. I would have preferred Pasternak score the winner than fucking ratface.

    I watched Big Little Lies with Mrs. theM, not my cup of tea but interesting. We have been switching off on shows ... finished Luke Cage and are now half way through Iron Fist. She is actually enjoying these shows.

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  47. the Maritimer3:38 PM

    Not looking good for moe's Steelers...

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    1. Defense losing this one. Not sure Tomlin gets to hang on.

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    2. Only caught the final drive of the game. Wtf happened? Sounds like the D forgot to show up. So much for doing it for Shazier. Caught the hilites though...man Fournette is a beast. This year was like the rebirth of the running back with all the fresh new talent. I'm sure the Pats won't take the Jags lightly.

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  48. the Maritimer8:14 PM

    I like all these: #tradesarehard #stillnotopcentre #manyexcuses

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  49. Thanks for confirming post times are not not just me, guys.

    St. Pad, I happily into Happy.

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  50. Good to hear Dano is released from the hospital and home resting.

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  51. > https://fourhockeyfans.blogspot.ca/2018/01/fine-tuned-machine-vs-nyi.html

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