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| Thanks to the always awesome you know who for the pic |
FOOTBALL, WOOOOO!!!!11!!!1!
Oh right sorry, hockey. Ola, 4HFers! Big weekend here at 4HF HQ what with the hockey and football and drinking. Whilst moeman stepped out to pick up some more Disaronno, he asked me to cook up this preview.
Setting the table - 2 PM start on CBC, RDS, and other outlets. This is game one of the usual Super Bowl weekend double matinee, which seems to be much earlier in the season than normal for some reason. Habs coming off the meh-fest against the Sens, and the Sabres are coming off crushing the Bs, both figuratively and literally.
I like my chili HOT - Vodkov and Diazling are among the league leaders for most points by a Dman. Unfortunately for us, the leading forward is on the other team, with Thomas Vanek's five-point night against the Bs (including a hattie) putting him there.
You need a cold beer with your chili - Lego has zero points, and DDD looks totally lost.
Just a little chili indigestion - Nokia still long-term. Dr. Recchi's patient PatCHes skated with contact in practice yesterday. That 3-4 weeks estimate is looking like a joke.
Stepping up in the chili cook-off? PFK, uh... Maybe he's playing? Maybe he isn't? It's only about 6 hours before game time. No need to rush things. He and I have chili to make anyway. And he has time; it's not like he'll be wasting his time triple low-fiving or anything. TFS gets the start.
Post-game adult entertainment establishment - Don't go to a strip club after eating chili. There's no farting in the Champagne Room.
OK enough with this hockey business. Let's make chili.
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I'm giving you this recipe on Saturday, 'cause this kicks ass making a day ahead of time. I have made this chili many times over the years on SB weekend. It's delicious AND idiot-proof! Just look at the recipe title:
HF29's One of Everything Chili
See, there's no counting or math! Anyone can do this. You will need:
1 big-ass pot
1 bowl
1 big-ass knife
1 pound medium/lean/extra lean (I don't care) ground beef
1 big-ass spanish onion
1 pretty small head of garlic that has like maybe 6 cloves
1 big-ass red bell pepper
1 jalapeno pepper
1 other pepper of your choice, depending how hot you want this
1 can of red kidney beans
1 can of diced tomatoes
1 one-second pour of olive oil
1 tbsp ground cumin
1 tbsp ground coriander
1 tsp chili powder
1 bottle (you're not using it all) of hot sauce of some sort (Tabasco, Franks, whatevs)
1 pale yet delicious beer (Boreale blonde is a good choose)
1 red yet delicious beer (Boreale rousse is a good choice)
1 hand-rolled marijuana cigarette, or "joint"
1 plane ticket to Austin, TX (return, coaCH)
Look at that. Nothing fancy even. You barely had to shop.
As Jesse from Breaking Bad might say, let's cook bitCH! Easy, idiot-proof instructions:
1. Open the pale beer, and take a good gulp.
2. With the big-ass knife, dice the shit out of the onion, all the peppers, garlic, your fingers, etc.
3. In the big-ass pot, brown the beef (while breaking it all up) over medium to medium-high heat. When brown, remove to the bowl. Leave some of the fat in the pot, toss the rest.
4. Add the olive oil to the pot. Toss the onions in there until they soften up a bit. Toss the red peppers in there next, a minute or two til they're soft-ish too. Then toss in the hot peppers and garlic. STIR, STIR you putz, that shit is burning! Do I have to tell you everything?
5. Dump in the cans of beans and tomatoes. Yes, the bean and tomato juice too. Told you this was easy. STIR.
6. Get your meat back in there. Now dump those spices in there. STIR, obvs.
7. Pour in the red beer. Toss in some splashes from the hot sauce bottle (what you're comfortable with), and STIR, duh, you should know that by now.
8. Turn the heat down to low. You've done all the hard work (such as it was) and now you've got two hours to waste while standing there and STIRring occasionally. Good thing you have that joint. Spark it up, and play a game where you try not to taste the awesome-smelling chili even though you're totally high dude. After losing that game, you can adjust the flavour by adding some more spices or hot sauce as it cooks. And if the chili is getting too thick, pour in some of the pale beer you forgot you're holding in your left hand because you're totally high dude.
9. Two hours later, if what's in the pot literally looks like shit, you're done! Take the pot off the stove, turn off the stove (seriously, try not to forget this because you're totally high dude), and go to the airport. Board your flight to Austin. In Austin, take a cab to Tears of Joy, a store that ONLY SELLS HOT SAUCE. God bless America. Buy a few bottles of hot sauce, and go home.
10. Tomorrow you will heat up the pot and enjoy delicious chili for the big game. You can top it with some fresh chopped green onions, shredded cheddar or any hard cheese, sour cream, and / or some of your new Austin hot sauces. You can put it on a hot dog, burger or fries. You can dip tortilla chips into it. Or you can just pour it in a bowl, grab a spoon and go to town. What say you, Homer?
G Y F H G !!!!!
