Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of a recount...
The boys were decent value last night, thanks in good part to TFS, not to mention a sizzling Russian manbro OT sausage pass, for a 2-1 win over the Wings. Long-form video highlights are an old tradition missed, because the NHL decided since TMS last did this that highlights should no longer be embeddable on other sites. It would take an internet law specialist to tell you how dumb that is. You can watch them here, but fuck 'em. And they feature Bob Cold so double fuck 'em;
TMS has been deep in Trumpland Thanksgiving gluttony (pic below) for the last week and as such has been remiss in wishing our glorious leader the happiest of Happy Birthdays a few days ago, as is tradition. Accept our apologies and a wonderful belated Happy bday moe, we hope your 39th birthday was filled with Habs wins and lovely rear views.
Greetings, underdogs who were 2nd in the league this year! 'Tis I, HF29, your once and former glorious leader here for the traditional and lucky opening game of a series preview! It's 1-0! (this year). I also provide this introductory claptrap so you will know 'twas I, not your current glorious leader moeman, who penned the parody to follow, as he is surely the master of the form and I am but a mere plagiarist. Though I think I may have done some parodies back in the day. Someone look that up for me; I've had too much meth to remember. Sorry I'm rambling. But I'm nervous as fuck! On the one hand, 4-0-1 against this year (go ahead, mediots, say the Lightning won 5 against the Habs this year, it's even true-ish). On the other hand, we did sweep them in the playoffs last year. Haven't heard that mentioned much, not sure why. On the other other hand, according to everyone the Habs will not win this series. On the other other other hand, when was everyone ever right. On the other other other other hand, I watCHed sip the last series and we were, uh, not great. On the other5 hand, plenty of room for improvement!
SO, recall what I wrote when the playoffs started:
The Sens have to come back to Earth sooner or later. Might as well be now;
Then the Habs have to beat the Bolts sooner or later. Might as well be now;
Then the Habs will be motivated to take revenge on the Rangers from last year;
Then the Habs will meet the winner of the Western Conference, who
will have spent the previous 6 weeks in a gladiatorial fight to the
death in the West and will be exhausted. Easy pickings! Voilà, 25th
Stanley Cup;
1 down, 3 to go. Sounds good to me. I can feel it, I'm giddy. Let's do this. GYFUnderdogHG.
~~~
Lightning crashes, and SFU cries
Mark Stone’s wrist sip falls to the floor
But now they open their eyes
Their confusion sets in
Before Don Cherry can even count to four
Lightning crashes, the NHL dies
Their intentions fall to the floor
The refs are closing their eeeyeeeeeyyeeeeeyes
The confusion that was theirs
Belongs now to the mediot down the hall
Oh we feel it comin' back again
Like a number 25 into the wind
Forces pullin' to la rue Ste-Catherine again
We can feel it
Lightning crashes, and Ben Bishop cries
This moment we’ve been waiting for Hockey Wives open their eyes
to the "o and five",
present last year's sweep
And put Les Glorieux ghosts up high, high
Oh we feel it comin' back again
Like a number 25 into the wind
Forces pullin' to la rue Ste-Catherine again
We can feel it
We can feel iiiiaaaaahhhhhh
[Bob Cold] Oh my [3x]
We can feel it comin' back again
Like a Hart and Vézina into the wind
Forces pullin' towards our man TFS again
We can feel it
We can feel it comin' back again
Like a Norris trophy into the wind
Forces pullin' towards our man PFK again
We can feel it
We can feel it comin' back again
Like a number 25 into the wind
Forces pullin' to la rue Ste-Catherine again
We can feel it
We can feel it
We can feel it
~~~
Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of 4/20. Wait, what? It's today? Duuude...
Thank god for that Cameron Raphael Diaz trade! Dale Weise. Dale Fucking Weise! Clobber us all you went Sens it doesn't matter we've got Dale Weise. He's all the offense we need apparently. We're certainly never scoring on the PP again in my lifetime. CHip sip scores the tying goal and "controversial" OT winner. The half-half jersey now has a 3-0 series lead;
Our game was nothing on the chipiness scale compared to the Flames-Nucks game, won by the Flames to take a 2-1 series lead;
Tavares gets the OT winner for the Isles who take a 2-1 series lead;
With Pekka Rinne very average and Shea Weber injured the Preds have no chance, even facing some random rookie goalie. Hawks win 4-2 to take a 2-1 series lead there;
Hey did you notice only one team has a 3-0 lead?
Give the ESPN headline writers credit: Oilers rewarded for years of ineptitude with another No. 1 pick.
Has TMS hijacked this blog just so he could make comments he didn't get to do because he was out last night? Yes. Yes, he has. Not to worry kids he is actully still too pumped to say anything coherent. He will mention that the half-half jersey is now 2-0. Suck it haters. Habs win 3-2 in OT, but you knew that already;
Things got ugly out West, as the 'Nucks and Flames got into a 3rd period brawl that ended with 132 minutes of penalties and 7 count 'em seven game misconducts in the 'Nucks 4-1 win;
The Caps somehow rode a rookie last minute replacement goalie to a 4-3 win to even their series with the Isles at 1-1;
Nashville explodes for 3 in the third to cruise to a 6-2 win and even that series at 1. Hawks have some real goalie issues;
Did you notice there is only one team in the playoffs with a 2-0 lead?
Cocaine! Ecstasy! Casinos! Erin Andrews! Finally the NHL gets cool, as LA Kings forward Jarret Stoll is arrested following a, uh, pretty crappy season;
CotU alert! If the Laffs win the Connor McDavid sweepstakes (tonight at 8 PM on CBC!) TMS may go postal on someone. Please call him a lawyer.
Enjoy your Saturday everyone. Kiss your loved ones.
Well this is is it. The Stanley Cup playoffs. The greatest 2 months in sports. The time where anything is fucking possible. ANYTHING. Like a 25th Stanley Cup. I think we can all agree that no one is more of a pessimist when it comes to this team than yours truly. Well maybe HF29 is worse. Either of those guys might tell you on any given day that the Habs can't score, MT2.0 is terrible and can't coaCH sip (we're not alone there), DDD is a fucking joke as a #1 centre, the defense is full of holes in their own zone, the PP is the worst in Habs history, their Corsi whatever that is is puke-inducing, etc., etc. Meh.
BUT - here are some facts. Well, two facts. One - the Habs were the second best team in the NHL this year. Well, if you measure "best" by points. You know, like the standings do. Two - we are so low down on the list of Stanley Cup favourites among the "experts" that once again, we are being completely overlooked. The second best team in the league is being completely overlooked. That's a joke. That's why my pessimism has dissolved into a case of fuck-the-world-ism, and why I know that the Habs will raise Lord Stanley's chalice. Here's 25 reasons why:
TFS. Duh;
The CotU Mediots say it won't happen. When were they ever right about anything?
Ghosts. The Habs wing in heaven now boasts the full Punch Line and the classiest gentleman to ever don a uniform in any sport ever. Karma, destiny. These ghosts shall guide us;
The Sens have to come back to Earth sooner or later. Might as well be now;
Then the Habs have to beat the Bolts sooner or later. Might as well be now;
Then the Habs will be motivated to take revenge on the Rangers from last year;
Then the Habs will meet the winner of the Western Conference, who will have spent the previous 6 weeks in a gladiatorial fight to the death in the West and will be exhausted. Easy pickings! Voilà, 25th Stanley Cup;
Speaking of the West, did you know the Habs had more points in the regular season than any team in the all-powerful all-glorious West? Exactly. Easy pickings;
So I was walking down the usual parade route just yesterday. It was clean and tidy following a very rare City of Montreal clean-up. The concrete spoke to me. It said "Hey Allen29 TMS, wassup? I need beer spilled on me in celebration; I feel too clean and I need to be dirty. Dirty like that SuperSexe sign over there. Your positive vibes will make that happen. I guarantee it." Sorry I sort of made that up. Everyone knows the Ste. Catherine Street concrete speaks French;
CHarger sip regularly has sex with the hottest of the Hockey Wives, Maripier Morin. He will be both very relaxed and energized, and will dominate like that kind of player does in the playoffs. Oh, and don't forget to read all about Hockey Wives and Maripier at this excellent blog!
Dave Satriano of NHL.com picked the Habs to win the Cup, the only expert on there who did. I have no idea who Dave Satriano is. Frankly, that name sounds made up. But he's obviously right;
"The FranCHise Saviour" sip vs. "The Hamburglar". Which nickname would you pick in a seven-game series?
Then it's TFS vs. Ben Bishop. 1.96 GAA vs. 2.32. Math, bitCHes sip;
Then it's TFS vs. a recently wounded King Henrik or an untested Cam Talbot. Meh;
Then it's TFS against someone useless, as Pekka Rinne and NSH will be long gone by then. Elliott? Corey Crawford? Meh. Dubnyk? Untested. Easy pickings! Voilà, 25th Stanley Cup;
PatCHes sip will be healthy sooner or later, and he's gonna be pissed;
Holy shit do we have a lot of decent to excellent defencemen! PFK, Vodkov, N8, Dish, Gilbert coming back, not to mention a future hall of famer just sitting in the press box waiting for his turn;
Grit, motherfuckers! Those trade deadline deals for grit are bound to pay off sooner or later. Might as well be now. In DGMB we trust;
Our good young forwards (KidG, LEGO, gCHuk sip) now have a long run of playoff experience under their belts and know what it takes;
MT2.0's system is a nightmare to watCH sip and boring as fuck. But it is made for the playoffs;
Arpon Basu said all of this better than me. I went to high school and was friends with Arpon Basu's brother. True story. So he must be right;
I'm high;
Conventional wisdom says the Habs rely too much on TFS. Conventional wisdom also said before the start of the season there would be a Kings-Bs final. Conventional wisdom can suck my dick;
Did I mention TFS?
juce's positivity is bound to pay off sooner or later. Might as well be now. GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!!
7 PM, Bell Centre, CBC TVA, yada yada. Dare to Dream On. Carpe diem. Seize the day boys.
Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of landing on a comet...
Sadly, a comet or meteor did not strike the ACC last night. The Laffs humiliated (?) the Bs though, with Rask getting pulled early in the 2nd after sucking like the suckiest suck who ever sucked. On the worse side, Kessel is now the greatest scorer in NHL history after scoring 2G, in the Laffs' 6-1 win. Clod: "We just stunk the joint out";
Some night we should all stay up and watch a West coast game because apparently they're having fun out there. We missed a thrilling comeback barnburner, with the Ducks beating the Kings 6-5 in a SO. Darryl Sutter: "It was just a good pond hockey game";
One stupid broken hand and fighting should be banned forever.
~~~
A second set of bullet points for what you might miss while preparing your fancy dinner / calling for pizza / dieting à la 29 prior to the game...
7:30 PM start. The game looks to be on Sportsnet360 and RDS. Damned if I can keep track of the hockey broadcast roulette;
One of my favourite blog names has always been Days of Y'Orr. Beaners can be clever on occasion, who knew?
Habs on a 3-game win streak after some tough times there for a while;
Bs were on a 6-game win streak (ugh ugh ugh) before last night. Don't forget when they lose again tonight it's the NHL's fault because the schedule makers are out to get the Bs by forcing them to play back to back games, because no one else has to play back to back games;
Habs are 0 for their last 22 on the PP. On the plus side, we're not last in the league somehow;
Bullet points for what you missed whilolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol
This at least makes us feel the tiniest bit better.
As we expect this is the last TMS for while, we just wanted to take the opportunity to publicly thank moeman for all his outstanding work this season. We know how tough it is to run a blog when you actually have a job and a life, and we had 4-7 people to do it. Moe has essentially done it alone. We all must be very nice to him so he will return next year for a full 82-game Cup-winning season.
I agree with everything she says, the Leaf gooning at the end of the game was fucking embarrassing. Get a life, losers;
On the happy side, all hail Lego and the G's, Vodkov, Budy Call, Diazzling, Tiny, and MT2.0;
Note Budy Call finished the season 8-1-1;
Leaf had one shot in the second, but it's ok because the CBC says it was a quality shot.
Last to 2nd or 4th in the East. While we all freaked a bit last week (rightly so), this really has been one hell of a regular season. TMS was happy to be there for the good times. Bring on the Leaf or the Sens, we don't give a fuck, it'll be fun no matter what. Free Steve.
