(make a) Pre-dick-shun ~ leaf

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Is there a doctor in the house? IceCaps-Laffs Open Thread

WARNING GRUESOME BLOODY BROKEN BENT FINGER PICTURE IN THIS POST.

Uhhh, sorry.

Kidz! Greetings! Tis I, your once and future mom wanted me to be a nice Jewish doctor and now is tremendously disappointed in me past glorious leader HF29. Your current glorious leader moe had some last minute out of town business and asked me to justify my Rolaids^® Relief Blogger of the Year Award of 2014 with a quick fill in post. Put me in coaCH!

I should be informed. I should CHeck who's playing.

[/checks Habs roster]

Have I been in a coma? The fuck? I have no idea what's going on. According to HI/O, these were the forward lines in practice yesterday:

DanO - PatCHes - CHé
Ghetto - PleXXXe - Leko
MitCHell - Carr - Flynn
Scherbak - McCarron - Farnham

I guess some of those people sound vaguely familiar. On the bright side, while learning about that SCHerbak dude I found out there is a WHL team called the Everett Silvertips. I then learned there is a town called Everett. It's in Washington. I then learned that a silvertip is another name for a grizzly bear. Learning is fun! Also, DDD is still injured. That's another bright side.

Oh yeah fuck the Leaf. I covered that in a previous relief appearance. I will add that since then, this morning the SFU is in a tizzy because the Leaf are currently sitting in a playoff spot!!! VERY EXCITING!!!1!!!11!! IT'S A NEW AGE IN TRONNA PEOPLE.

Fuck 'em all. GYFHG.

~~~

I want all these people to #epicfail ~ Game 9 Laffs

Greetings 4HFers! 'Tis I, your once and past glorious leader HF29 giving our current and future glorious leader a well-deserved day off. 3 games in 4 nights and throw in a Sexy Friday would have killed anybody. Hell, it's amazing moe isn't dead already with all his hard work. ANYWAY.

So yeah the Leafs. Fuck them all in the fucking head. You know, I spent the last many many years being pretty indifferent about them. Sure, there was some schadenfreude with their suckitude, but really their suckitude was so sucky you just couldn't really get up any good hate. And if there is anything Habs fans know, it's hate. Hell, I could just spend the rest of this post listing the things related to hockey I hate. Last year if I had made that list the Leafs would barely be on it. Sure, the SFU's coverage of the Leafs would be near the top of the list, but as for the actual team? Meh. I hated Toronto FC more.

Flash back to April 30, 2016, and that changed bigly. The NHL draft lottery was won by those assholes in suits and Leaf-blue ties up there in the banner pic, and a consensus number one pick would be theirs. Flash forward and back to October 12, when said number one pick scored 4 goals in his debut. OMFG kill me. The mediots leaped on this moment as the Leafs now had the second coming of Sid the Kid and Jesus all rolled into one. My blood boiled. I could not turn on TSN for days. And for me any day without watching the love of my life Natasha Stani-whatever is like a day without sunshine. GRRRRRRRRRR 29 angry.

And here's the thing. The fucking Laffs LOST that game. The mediots barely mentioned that point, as it was undoubtedly messing with their narrative about how great their team was and how great the front office was for winning a lottery. Leafs fans after that game? Don't even get me started. I was really starting to hate the Leaf again. It felt good!

Now, I am a lifelong Montrealer. But here's a dirty secret of mine. As I have grown older, I am no longer one of those "hate everything Toronto" Montrealers. The bars stay open late now, they have some fine restaurants, I do lots of business there, and many of my very close friends live there. They are all ex-Montrealers, but still. I even openly root for the Raptors. I don't really root for the Jays per se, but I am not one of those Montreal Jays-haters (even though they did vote to contract the Expos, so fuck 'em a little). So really, I don't hate the Leafs just because they are in Toronto.

I hate the Leafs because they think they are God's gift to hockey because their name popped up in a fucking lottery after they were crappy enough to finish 30th so they would have good odds. Fuck them all in the fucking (Bab)cock. Let them all #epicfail miserably. DIE LEAF DIE. GYFHG.

~~~

TMS says goodbye to a pretty darn good regular season

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of the playoffs. Oh wait, that's not a dream now, is it...

• N31's recap;
• I agree with everything she says, the Leaf gooning at the end of the game was fucking embarrassing. Get a life, losers;
• On the happy side, all hail Lego and the G's, Vodkov, Budy Call, Diazzling, Tiny, and MT2.0;
• Note Budy Call finished the season 8-1-1;
• Leaf had one shot in the second, but it's ok because the CBC says it was a quality shot.

Last to 2nd or 4th in the East. While we all freaked a bit last week (rightly so), this really has been one hell of a regular season. TMS was happy to be there for the good times. Bring on the Leaf or the Sens, we don't give a fuck, it'll be fun no matter what. Free Steve.

Damn fucking right TMS is here to post long-form video highlights after that win

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of (having nightmares of?) going to Mars with your wife...

• 5-1-2 on the road;
• +15 goal differential, tops in the East;
• 7-0-2 since that Saturday Leaf Ugliness ("SLUG");
• TFS leading the league in wins;
• TSN mediots whining about a faceoff for 8 straight hours;
• Suck on this, CotU:

So far, so high, so ice creamy good

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Brain fucking freeze FHFers!

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Moey is PVRing this bitCHin game!

A penny for your CHeap thoughts?

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Save those nickels FHFers.

Out with the old and in with the new, but some of the old still hangs on - HF29 pops in for the Leafs-Habs season opener preview and open thread

If this is the "new", helloooooo

HOCKEY, bitCHes. A new season! Can you fucking believe that? No, of course you can't. I don't. Which is why I'm feeling all whimsical and nostalgic about this post. The new (shortened) season brings new hope and new promises, but also old fears and old habits. Like HF29 just not going away, despite retiring from hockey blogging two years ago. Fuck me. OK let's do this, old-school style!

Some things never change - 7 PM on the CBC. No wait, that's a lie. When I was a kid games were at 8 PM. Much more civilized. You just can't finish dinner by 7, and I refuse to eat in front of the TV like an animal. Ok that's a lie too. Oh and I guess the arena in Montreal has changed too. Boy this is going well.

Old frenemies - the gang at Pension Plan Puppets were always good to us. We shared good-natured ribbing and it was all in fun. Holy fuck what happened to the look of that site? Maybe we'll find out in my new book, When Web Redesign Goes Horribly Wrong. Thank god FHF refused SB Nation's offer back in the day. If my site looked like that now I'd be violently ill every time I posted. And not from the meth.

New faces - all hail the gCHuks!!! Gally and Blunden also made the lineup, who knows if they are playing or in the press box. Though I guess Blunden isn't technically "new" as he played a bunch of games last season, whenever the hell that was. Free agent signings (how long ago was that??) Armstrong and Prust  make their debuts. Welcome to the pressure cooker guys. Tronna and the Big Apple got nothing on us here.

Old battleaxes - Vodkov's knees. Hang in there, guys! The new season depends on you.

What's old is new again - CoaCH Therrien's 2.0 stint with the franCHise. Saviour or disaster? Be sure to make your decision by the end of the second period tonight.Also, Fankie Bouillon! Cube!!!! I don't even know where he was. Nashville? Phoenix? One of those places. I really haven't done any research for this preview. Some things really don't change.

Newly MIA - I don't think I need to tell you PFK remains unsigned. Nokia is injured. SuperpleXXXe should probably play despite not being 100%. TFS will start, despite needing a therapy day yesterday for a tweaked groin.

The old venerable post-game adult entertainment establishment - Super Sexe has been around as long as I can remember, and it is still going strong. But their new policy of paying $5 to the house every time I you go for a lap dance is really starting to piss me people off.

~~~

Of course, what's really new is that I'm on 4HF. I can't tell you how happy I am that moe gives me the chance to come out of retirement every now and then. With 4HF and the good work being done by the gang over at PK'ists, the spirit of FHF lives on. Well, except for Panger, HF10 and LG77, who are all dead I guess. So to finish up this post, let's mix the old and the new. This 4HF photo array^TM (the new) consists of pics that were all posted on FHF at one time or another (the old). Some I don't even remember using, because I'm old. But I must have used them, because I found them all on my computer in the My Pictures/FHF/used directory. It goes without saying that if anything creative is in there, you know who it comes from. Ahh, the memories. Sniff.

 

G Y F H G !!!!!!!!!