TMS continues two day-old tradition of posting long-form video highlights after an OT win

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of 4/20. Wait, what? It's today? Duuude...

• Thank god for that Cameron Raphael Diaz trade! Dale Weise. Dale Fucking Weise! Clobber us all you went Sens it doesn't matter we've got Dale Weise. He's all the offense we need apparently. We're certainly never scoring on the PP again in my lifetime. CHip sip scores the tying goal and "controversial" OT winner. The half-half jersey now has a 3-0 series lead;
• Our game was nothing on the chipiness scale compared to the Flames-Nucks game, won by the Flames to take a 2-1 series lead;
• Tavares gets the OT winner for the Isles who take a 2-1 series lead;
• With Pekka Rinne very average and Shea Weber injured the Preds have no chance, even facing some random rookie goalie. Hawks win 4-2 to take a 2-1 series lead there;
• Hey did you notice only one team has a 3-0 lead?
• Give the ESPN headline writers credit: Oilers rewarded for years of ineptitude with another No. 1 pick.

Enjoy the day everyone. Smoke a bowl for us.

~~~

Can TMS interest you in some long-form video highlights after an OT win?

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of Emily Ratajkowski in lingerie...

• Has TMS hijacked this blog just so he could make comments he didn't get to do because he was out last night? Yes. Yes, he has. Not to worry kids he is actully still too pumped to say anything coherent. He will mention that the half-half jersey is now 2-0. Suck it haters. Habs win 3-2 in OT, but you knew that already;
• Things got ugly out West, as the 'Nucks and Flames got into a 3rd period brawl that ended with 132 minutes of penalties and 7 count 'em seven game misconducts in the 'Nucks 4-1 win;
• The Caps somehow rode a rookie last minute replacement goalie to a 4-3 win to even their series with the Isles at 1-1;
• Nashville explodes for 3 in the third to cruise to a 6-2 win and even that series at 1. Hawks have some real goalie issues;
• Did you notice there is only one team in the playoffs with a 2-0 lead?
• Cocaine! Ecstasy! Casinos! Erin Andrews! Finally the NHL gets cool, as LA Kings forward Jarret Stoll is arrested following a, uh, pretty crappy season;
• CotU alert! If the Laffs win the Connor McDavid sweepstakes (tonight at 8 PM on CBC!) TMS may go postal on someone. Please call him a lawyer.

Enjoy your Saturday everyone. Kiss your loved ones.

TMS Presents 25 bullet points why the Habs will win the Stanley Cup for your Sens Game 1 Preview and Open Thread

Well this is is it. The Stanley Cup playoffs. The greatest 2 months in sports. The time where anything is fucking possible. ANYTHING. Like a 25th Stanley Cup. I think we can all agree that no one is more of a pessimist when it comes to this team than yours truly. Well maybe HF29 is worse. Either of those guys might tell you on any given day that the Habs can't score, MT2.0 is terrible and can't coaCH sip (we're not alone there), DDD is a fucking joke as a #1 centre, the defense is full of holes in their own zone, the PP is the worst in Habs history, their Corsi whatever that is is puke-inducing, etc., etc. Meh.

BUT - here are some facts. Well, two facts. One - the Habs were the second best team in the NHL this year. Well, if you measure "best" by points. You know, like the standings do. Two - we are so low down on the list of Stanley Cup favourites among the "experts" that once again, we are being completely overlooked. The second best team in the league is being completely overlooked. That's a joke. That's why my pessimism has dissolved into a case of fuck-the-world-ism, and why I know that the Habs will raise Lord Stanley's chalice. Here's 25 reasons why:

• TFS. Duh;
• The CotU Mediots say it won't happen. When were they ever right about anything? 
• Ghosts. The Habs wing in heaven now boasts the full Punch Line and  the classiest gentleman to ever don a uniform in any sport ever. Karma, destiny. These ghosts shall guide us;
• The Sens have to come back to Earth sooner or later. Might as well be now;
• Then the Habs have to beat the Bolts sooner or later. Might as well be now;
• Then the Habs will be motivated to take revenge on the Rangers from last year;
• Then the Habs will meet the winner of the Western Conference, who will have spent the previous 6 weeks in a gladiatorial fight to the death in the West and will be exhausted. Easy pickings! Voilà, 25th Stanley Cup;
• Speaking of the West, did you know the Habs had more points in the regular season than any team in the all-powerful all-glorious West? Exactly. Easy pickings;
• So I was walking down the usual parade route just yesterday. It was clean and tidy following a very rare City of Montreal clean-up. The concrete spoke to me. It said "Hey Allen 29 TMS, wassup? I need beer spilled on me in celebration; I feel too clean and I need to be dirty. Dirty like that SuperSexe sign over there. Your positive vibes will make that happen. I guarantee it." Sorry I sort of made that up. Everyone knows the Ste. Catherine Street concrete speaks French;
• CHarger sip regularly has sex with the hottest of the Hockey Wives, Maripier Morin. He will be both very relaxed and energized, and will dominate like that kind of player does in the playoffs. Oh, and don't forget to read all about Hockey Wives and Maripier at this excellent blog!
• Dave Satriano of NHL.com picked the Habs to win the Cup, the only expert on there who did. I have no idea who Dave Satriano is. Frankly, that name sounds made up. But he's obviously right;
• "The FranCHise Saviour" sip vs. "The Hamburglar". Which nickname would you pick in a seven-game series? 
• Then it's TFS vs. Ben Bishop. 1.96 GAA vs. 2.32. Math, bitCHes sip;
• Then it's TFS vs. a recently wounded King Henrik or an untested Cam Talbot. Meh;
• Then it's TFS against someone useless, as Pekka Rinne and NSH will be long gone by then. Elliott? Corey Crawford? Meh. Dubnyk? Untested. Easy pickings! Voilà, 25th Stanley Cup;
• PatCHes sip will be healthy sooner or later, and he's gonna be pissed;
• Holy shit do we have a lot of decent to excellent defencemen! PFK, Vodkov, N8, Dish, Gilbert coming back, not to mention a future hall of famer just sitting in the press box waiting for his turn;
• Grit, motherfuckers! Those trade deadline deals for grit are bound to pay off sooner or later. Might as well be now. In DGMB we trust;
• Our good young forwards (KidG, LEGO, gCHuk sip) now have a long run of playoff experience under their belts and know what it takes;
• MT2.0's system is a nightmare to watCH sip and boring as fuck. But it is made for the playoffs;
• Arpon Basu said all of this better than me. I went to high school and was friends with Arpon Basu's brother. True story. So he must be right;
• I'm high;
• Conventional wisdom says the Habs rely too much on TFS. Conventional wisdom also said before the start of the season there would be a Kings-Bs final. Conventional wisdom can suck my dick;
• Did I mention TFS?
• juce's positivity is bound to pay off sooner or later. Might as well be now. GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!!

7 PM, Bell Centre, CBC TVA, yada yada. Dare to Dream On. Carpe diem. Seize the day boys.

~~~

TMS pops in on a Sunday to post long-form video highlights after a really f*ing satisfying win

Here's a bullet point for what you missed while dreaming of the Habs being in first place in the Eastern Conference:

• The Habs are in first place in the Eastern Conference.

Fuck all the mediots. Kiss our collective ass.

~~~

TMS just got home really drunk from a Greek wedding and is posting these late night long form video highlights after a win

Did we win?

The Morning Skate returns with a Buttload of Bullet points for your Bs preview and open thread

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of landing on a comet...

• Sadly, a comet or meteor did not strike the ACC last night. The Laffs humiliated (?) the Bs though, with Rask getting pulled early in the 2nd after sucking like the suckiest suck who ever sucked. On the worse side, Kessel is now the greatest scorer in NHL history after scoring 2G, in the Laffs' 6-1 win. Clod: "We just stunk the joint out";
• Some night we should all stay up and watch a West coast game because apparently they're having fun out there. We missed a thrilling comeback barnburner, with the Ducks beating the Kings 6-5 in a SO. Darryl Sutter: "It was just a good pond hockey game";
• Vegas, baby!
• One stupid broken hand and fighting should be banned forever.

~~~

A second set of bullet points for what you might miss while preparing your fancy dinner / calling for pizza / dieting à la 29 prior to the game...

• 7:30 PM start. The game looks to be on Sportsnet360 and RDS. Damned if I can keep track of the hockey broadcast roulette;
• One of my favourite blog names has always been Days of Y'Orr. Beaners can be clever on occasion, who knew?
• Habs on a 3-game win streak after some tough times there for a while;
• Bs were on a 6-game win streak (ugh ugh ugh) before last night. Don't forget when they lose again tonight it's the NHL's fault because the schedule makers are out to get the Bs by forcing them to play back to back games, because no one else has to play back to back games;
• Habs are 0 for their last 22 on the PP. On the plus side, we're not last in the league somehow;
• GonCH arrived last night, but no one knows if he's playing. CoaCH says they'll have some Starbucks this morning and talk about it. He's playing;
• The downtown adult entertainment establishments will be jammed with visiting Beaners after the game, so grab a cab and head up to Solid Gold.

OK let's do this thing!

~~~

TMS returns, technically in the morning, to post these long form video highlights after a win

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of coming back from a 3-1 series deficit...

• Touchdown!
• RBQx3;
• If RBQ gets suspended for cross-checking an asshole...
• An asshole who snowed the little flag kid;
• And a headbutt;
• Speaking of suspensions Mr. Moore...
• Embellish my ass Puck Daddy;
• Y(E) has a "body injury":
• TMS hopes we're in the King's head. 1GAAT.

Fuck 'em all. Or kiss the good guys.

TMS pops in to laugh at the Leaf, CBC, TSN, and every mediot

Bullet points for what you missed whilolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol

This at least makes us feel the tiniest bit better.

As we expect this is the last TMS for while, we just wanted to take the opportunity to publicly thank moeman for all his outstanding work this season. We know how tough it is to run a blog when you actually have a job and a life, and we had 4-7 people to do it. Moe has essentially done it alone. We all must be very nice to him so he will return next year for a full 82-game Cup-winning season.

TMS out.

"CHaracter win" ~ 29 (and TMS pops in with your long forms)

~ ~ ~

Have some candy FHFers.

~ ~ ~

Morning kidz! HF29 / TMS is up early, here's your long forms, N31, and a gif or two. Fuck and Yes.

TMS says goodbye to a pretty darn good regular season

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of the playoffs. Oh wait, that's not a dream now, is it...

• N31's recap;
• I agree with everything she says, the Leaf gooning at the end of the game was fucking embarrassing. Get a life, losers;
• On the happy side, all hail Lego and the G's, Vodkov, Budy Call, Diazzling, Tiny, and MT2.0;
• Note Budy Call finished the season 8-1-1;
• Leaf had one shot in the second, but it's ok because the CBC says it was a quality shot.

Last to 2nd or 4th in the East. While we all freaked a bit last week (rightly so), this really has been one hell of a regular season. TMS was happy to be there for the good times. Bring on the Leaf or the Sens, we don't give a fuck, it'll be fun no matter what. Free Steve.

Sunday TMS is here for all your praying needs

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of going to the semi-finals...

• Stellar performances from gCHuk, Dr. Drew, TFS, CCR, SuperpleXXXe's groin, and many more;
• Hilarity with the Bs scared to shoot on a 6 on 4 as the game ended. Shocker, they had an excuse!
• Odds of making the playoffs now at 99.999998%;
• Suck it Bs, CBC, TSN, Elliotte Freedman, Don Cherry, Timfuckingpeel, and all the PFK haters:

 

This morning I have screencapped for you the home pages of NHL.com, ESPN's NHL page, and TSN. Can you guess which is which?

TMS is Fucking Speechless

Bullet points for what you missed while not sleeping because you were too stoked from that win last night...

• !!!!!!
• !!!!!!!!!!!11111!!1!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!
• We just...
• We don't know;
• Maybe N31 can explain it.

This gif is not embellished in any way.

Morning kidz! TMS is here with your long-forms

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of double-faulting on match point...

• We'll just ignore the blowing the 2-goal lead at home part and the ugly 3rd goal part; won't mention them again;
• Habs now 12-1-3 since the SLUG;
• 9 wins each on the road and at home overall;
• 2nd in the NHL in goals scored (huh?);
• One of only 3 teams to hit 40 points;
• N31's bullet points. She is right about the D backing up on that 3rd goal, but Carey still should have stopped it, but I said I wouldn't mention it again;
• PFK now leads NHL D in goals and is second in points. Every keeping-the-black-man-down pundit needs to revisit their mid-season Norris candidates.

Still first, bitCHes. Suck it, CotU.

TMS welcomes the Boys home

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of getting eliminated by the Americans...

• Another perfect Sunshine State trip;
• 8 out of 10 points on the longest road trip of the season;
• Now 9-2-2 on the road overall;
• 11-1-3 in our last 15; 
• N31's bullet points;
• CCR got his first goal as a Hab (this time), his 100th in a Habs uni, then added another for good measure, and now has 9 points in 7 GP with the Habs;
• PFK had 3A and is now tied for fourth-leading scorer amongst D in the league;
• A brilliant second goal by Cube going top-shelf (3:17 mark of the vid above):

Welcome home boys. Enjoy a quieter week for a change. You've earned it.

Damn fucking right TMS is here to post long-form video highlights after that win

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of (having nightmares of?) going to Mars with your wife...

• 5-1-2 on the road;
• +15 goal differential, tops in the East;
• 7-0-2 since that Saturday Leaf Ugliness ("SLUG");
• TFS leading the league in wins;
• TSN mediots whining about a faceoff for 8 straight hours;
• Suck on this, CotU:

Sunday TMS enjoys posting long-form video highlights after a win

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of rolling around on the mat with Rhonda Rousey...

• Suck it leaf;
• Suck it Torts, PatCHes does not have to leave his feet to hurt anyone, and your boy turned at the last second;
• TMS is only back because posting these is just too much fun:

 

~ ~ ~

The Morning Skate returns to post long-form video highlights after a win

I do miss doing that. Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of my future wife, Addy the pothead driver...

• Laffs losing, with this year's franchise goalie getting pulled, is an extra bonus to this pleasant morning;
• Hawks win, tie a record; 
• This Datsyuk goal. Oh my;
• This