Go You Fucking Habs Go !: Fuck off Sens

Showing posts with label Fuck off Sens. Show all posts

Dec 12, 2015

CHappy CHanukkah bitCHes! ~ Drink up this Sens preview and open thread

CHalom kids! 4HF's resident atheist Jew HF29 is in da CHul to light some candles and give moeman a holiday break. And he needs a break from the Habs' suckiness. And I need a drink because of the Habs' suckiness. So that works out well! But really the Habs are terrible, so we'll just focus on this fine Jewish holiday and remember the glory years when the Habs had half the NHL Jews in Squid and Jeff Halpern. Now we've got no one. I had high hopes for Yeast, such a fine Jewish name (except around Passover), but alas 'twas not to be. It's obvious the lack of Jews on the team is responsible for the 4-game losing streak. Oy gevalt.

But a losing streak has to end sooner or later, right? Might as well be tonight. So light a candle or eight and say a prayer and grab a drink and some foods fried in oil and look at some photos of attractive Jewish people. GYFHG.

~~~

Apr 20, 2015

TMS continues two day-old tradition of posting long-form video highlights after an OT win

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of 4/20. Wait, what? It's today? Duuude...

Thank god for that ~~Cameron~~ Raphael Diaz trade! Dale Weise. Dale Fucking Weise! Clobber us all you went Sens it doesn't matter we've got Dale Weise. He's all the offense we need apparently. We're certainly never scoring on the PP again in my lifetime. CHip sip scores the tying goal and "controversial" OT winner. The half-half jersey now has a 3-0 series lead;
Our game was nothing on the chipiness scale compared to the Flames-Nucks game, won by the Flames to take a 2-1 series lead;
Tavares gets the OT winner for the Isles who take a 2-1 series lead;
With Pekka Rinne very average and Shea Weber injured the Preds have no chance, even facing some random rookie goalie. Hawks win 4-2 to take a 2-1 series lead there;
Hey did you notice only one team has a 3-0 lead?
Give the ESPN headline writers credit: Oilers rewarded for years of ineptitude with another No. 1 pick.

Enjoy the day everyone. Smoke a bowl for us.

~~~

Apr 15, 2015

Deep breath everyone! Have some double ice cream and a smoke and slip into something more comfortable to enjoy the 1-0 lead

Let the ice cream drip all over your jersey!!!!

TMS Presents 25 bullet points why the Habs will win the Stanley Cup for your Sens Game 1 Preview and Open Thread

Well this is is it. The Stanley Cup playoffs. The greatest 2 months in sports. The time where anything is fucking possible. ANYTHING. Like a 25th Stanley Cup. I think we can all agree that no one is more of a pessimist when it comes to this team than yours truly. Well maybe HF29 is worse. Either of those guys might tell you on any given day that the Habs can't score, MT2.0 is terrible and can't coaCH sip (we're not alone there), DDD is a fucking joke as a #1 centre, the defense is full of holes in their own zone, the PP is the worst in Habs history, their Corsi whatever that is is puke-inducing, etc., etc. Meh.

BUT - here are some facts. Well, two facts. One - the Habs were the second best team in the NHL this year. Well, if you measure "best" by points. You know, like the standings do. Two - we are so low down on the list of Stanley Cup favourites among the "experts" that once again, we are being completely overlooked. The second best team in the league is being completely overlooked. That's a joke. That's why my pessimism has dissolved into a case of fuck-the-world-ism, and why I know that the Habs will raise Lord Stanley's chalice. Here's 25 reasons why:

TFS. Duh;
The CotU Mediots say it won't happen. When were they ever right about anything?
Ghosts. The Habs wing in heaven now boasts the full Punch Line and the classiest gentleman to ever don a uniform in any sport ever. Karma, destiny. These ghosts shall guide us;
The Sens have to come back to Earth sooner or later. Might as well be now;
Then the Habs have to beat the Bolts sooner or later. Might as well be now;
Then the Habs will be motivated to take revenge on the Rangers from last year;
Then the Habs will meet the winner of the Western Conference, who will have spent the previous 6 weeks in a gladiatorial fight to the death in the West and will be exhausted. Easy pickings! Voilà, 25th Stanley Cup;
Speaking of the West, did you know the Habs had more points in the regular season than any team in the all-powerful all-glorious West? Exactly. Easy pickings;
So I was walking down the usual parade route just yesterday. It was clean and tidy following a very rare City of Montreal clean-up. The concrete spoke to me. It said "Hey ~~Allen~~ 29 TMS, wassup? I need beer spilled on me in celebration; I feel too clean and I need to be dirty. Dirty like that SuperSexe sign over there. Your positive vibes will make that happen. I guarantee it." Sorry I sort of made that up. Everyone knows the Ste. Catherine Street concrete speaks French;
CHarger sip regularly has sex with the hottest of the Hockey Wives, Maripier Morin. He will be both very relaxed and energized, and will dominate like that kind of player does in the playoffs. Oh, and don't forget to read all about Hockey Wives and Maripier at this excellent blog!
Dave Satriano of NHL.com picked the Habs to win the Cup, the only expert on there who did. I have no idea who Dave Satriano is. Frankly, that name sounds made up. But he's obviously right;
"The FranCHise Saviour" sip vs. "The Hamburglar". Which nickname would you pick in a seven-game series?
Then it's TFS vs. Ben Bishop. 1.96 GAA vs. 2.32. Math, bitCHes sip;
Then it's TFS vs. a recently wounded King Henrik or an untested Cam Talbot. Meh;
Then it's TFS against someone useless, as Pekka Rinne and NSH will be long gone by then. Elliott? Corey Crawford? Meh. Dubnyk? Untested. Easy pickings! Voilà, 25th Stanley Cup;
PatCHes sip will be healthy sooner or later, and he's gonna be pissed;
Holy shit do we have a lot of decent to excellent defencemen! PFK, Vodkov, N8, Dish, Gilbert coming back, not to mention a future hall of famer just sitting in the press box waiting for his turn;
Grit, motherfuckers! Those trade deadline deals for grit are bound to pay off sooner or later. Might as well be now. In DGMB we trust;
Our good young forwards (KidG, LEGO, gCHuk sip) now have a long run of playoff experience under their belts and know what it takes;
MT2.0's system is a nightmare to watCH sip and boring as fuck. But it is made for the playoffs;
Arpon Basu said all of this better than me. I went to high school and was friends with Arpon Basu's brother. True story. So he must be right;
I'm high;
Conventional wisdom says the Habs rely too much on TFS. Conventional wisdom also said before the start of the season there would be a Kings-Bs final. Conventional wisdom can suck my dick;
Did I mention TFS?
juce's positivity is bound to pay off sooner or later. Might as well be now. GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!! GO HABS GO!!!